Broke me the most

"Evelyn Yen.

Hey there little one. Hahahaha. It’s funny how I can call you that because you’re actually little. But, I am fascinated how a person as small as you can have such a huge heart filled with love and caring for a person. yes, I meant every word. It’s kinda hard to believe since you see me as an asshole as well but, I mean it. You truly did care about me. You loved me even without telling me. I am beyond sorry for unintentionally leading you on. I really didn’t mean to leave you just like that. I had so much fun hanging out with you. You always made me smile because you were just so tiny and cute hahahahaha. I liked how you always tried to find a way to talk to me even if you had to hide in a car or sign in on yahoo, or even hide under a blanket so that your mom or dad won’t know you’re talking to me. I truly appreciated everything you did for me. You never once gave up on trying. And i am sorry that I couldn’t really return the favor. I was stupid to believe you’d always be around. So that was a mistake I made. I shouldn’t have taken you for granted. I thought I could never lose you but you showed me that everything can be lost. With enough pain, you can lose the ones who truly care about you. So thank you for sharing that mistake with me. Today I show my appreciation more clearly and I’m very thankful that you helped me get out my comfort zone and be more open with how I feel. I use to act nonchalant as if I didn’t care about the things you did for me but deep down I was really happy that someone actually cares enough about me the way you did. I’m sorry if it seemed like I just tossed you aside but I really did care about you. I chose someone who I can actually see and be with in person because that’s what I was looking for at that moment. I am deeply sorry for hurting you and treating you the way I did. Angela was right. You deserve someone better than a dimwitted asshole like me. I know you haven’t forgiven me for what I did. But the fact that you still talk to me when I say hi to you gives me hope that we can rebuild our fallen friendship. So, thank you for showing me how to appreciate someone who cares about me unconditionally.

With every word,
Jojo."

"you know how much i hate that and you know how much i hate the fact that every positive feeling i have ever had for you every good thing i have ever said about you i just cant i hate you evelyn i hate you"

Flirting is a dumb and embarrassing means of soliciting flattery, right? It's no triumph of charm to get a guy to think of you 'that way'

losing my being into metaphorical space in hopes of finding an attractive male inversely proportional to the distance separating our centers

Happy New Years

Can you not cower away and just man up and say what you want? Like what you display yourself to be? Gahdamn _|_ Quit beating around the bush and let me know your current stand point so I can just move the fuck on. Not your booty call, if you're just another hungry hungry hippo then just gtfo. Stop wasting my time, stop wasting your time.


Happy New Years though.

I'm pretty capable of handling myself/happiness without a mayun by side

I do not need a significant other to spend Christmas with. Though it would be nice to have someone to cuddle with while I freeze to death, but thats what blankets are for. Fug all you unfaithful hungry hungry hippos looking for an easy smash. I'm not your girl, and just because I long for the feeling of being needed, doesn't mean I'll cave without reason.
whatever. whatevs. whut.evr. w/e. *hand motion* I've got my girls. And by girls, I mean guys. And by guys, I mean my coffee machine and cat. oOoOoYeeAaAh!

I can't believe

how much you fucking use me. Cool, call me your best friend, tell me how much you love me and how you’re always gonna be there for me. Tell me how we’ve known each other for so long and all we’ve gone through. But fuck, things change. “Best friends forever, tight till’ the end!” bullshit. Just because we were close at one point doesn’t mean I’m always going to be here to pay for your shit, doesn’t mean I’m not going to be irritated as fuck when you touch my rear-end, doesn’t mean it’s okay for you to put your hands around my waist and say it’s nothing just because we’re “best friends”. Fuck you, fuck your need for “swag” No, not even swag. There’s a fucking difference between swag and following the hype. Stop following the hype, be your own fucking person again. Stop caring so much. Stop with your attention crave. You’re behind this huge wall you built decked out in high end brands you don’t even know shit about, I don’t even know you anymore. I don’t even want to know you anymore.

Therese did some totally mind fucking card reading at the park the other day and it totally opened up my mind. I can't believe I'm basing my decisions on some mother fucking cards but since my brain isn't giving my any positive feedback... here we go!

Thankful for

• Food
• Sleep (sorta)
• Family
• Living
• Clothes and bags and raangs and such
• My Blackberry (':
• Nikon D80, (D90 soon hopefully)
• Health and well being
• Garebear
• Jermz
• Mathias
• BabyD
• JeffreyZ
• Adrianabanana
• Modo
• Bp
• Erinsmaren

And that's about it. My list of loved ones has drastically minimized because of the lack of care and acknowledgement they give about my existence. Whatevz, thankful for what we had.

i don't know how to let people in anymore, my movements have become practised, almost mechanical in nature only functioning out of necessity rather than longing - i don't know how to stop hurting 
and like the waves i am constantly breaking, rolling into shore for a few precious moments and then retreating back into myself where i am swallowed by a bigger fish. can i still be looked upon as strong though? I feel better that way.

playa playaaaaa

DUDE, FUCK ALL OF YOU.

r u srs .____. Is it really necessary to keep a million girls on your dick to see who is most compatible for the time being? Or is this the whole jealousy thing? Well either way IT AIN'T FUCKING FUNNY.

Middle fingers up, don't give a fuck.

"Fuck it, Thug Life" - Max Sun

aw haylz naw

it's on (...again)

May the most conniving bitch win ._____.v

womp.

School if a huge pile of poop on my platter of life and my social life is down the drain as well. Not really, I'm just don't get around anymore. Doyle says to let go of the past and find a new group of friends to hang around with since he's not around Diamond Bar anymore. -sigh- I miss you, BabyD. I miss having someone to actually have a conversation with. A real conversation. I mean, I don't give a fuck if you had frosted flakes every morning for the past month, or if you bought a new pair of jeans that you love oh so much. I guess I'm content with who I'm around nowadays. Just fake a smile and pretend like you're interested..

Goodbye Summer

You end in less than a week. I feel like there should've been more to it, but whatevs. Been to new places, met tons of new people. Tis' great, experiencing more, learning more. I hope I actually do well in school this year instead of half assing everything a few months into it. School without Doyle, Kevin, and Mathias... I hope I can still have people as my guiding light. Here's to a great (or not) school year!

thankful.

4am, just sitting here. i wish everyone was still around. should've cherished the time we had with each other more than we did, cause serio, you dont know what you've had till' its gone, and its definitely gone, and it's hitting hard. thanks guys, you mean the world to me, really, scouts honor.

C'est bon.

i keep running away from things, as if i can run away from the action and feelings attached to them, it's not working.
my anxiety is subsiding & i'm trying not to pretend so much.
i dont like to feel his eyes on me when i look away or at any given time at all actually, cause i cant handle any of that right now, not from him at least. i love sleep. my life has the tendency to fall apart when i'm awake.

when we escape

i've got to this point where sometimes i really do think i'm accepting it, and then in just a matter of moments later - i'm back at square one, ground zero, the starting line.